Honesty and communication matter in a healthy relationship. You can say that something is difficult for you in a way that is respectful and does not accuse the other person. The aim is to let them understand what you feel.
Being honest means allowing yourself to be vulnerable: saying what you want and what you need, and giving the other person a chance to know you. What seems obvious to you may not be obvious to them. Neither of you can read the other’s mind.
A person may be acting with good intentions even when their behaviour hurts you. They may be doing what makes sense to them with the understanding they have. Putting your needs into words gives you both something concrete to talk about.
When a conversation turns into blame, the other person can become more concerned with defending themselves than with understanding you. Try to describe your experience and invite a conversation about what could help the relationship.
Pay attention to how those conversations go. If they regularly become unpleasant, consider both your own approach and whether there is room in this relationship for listening and change. Sometimes a different way of speaking helps. Sometimes, even with honesty and care, your needs continue to go unheard.
You can take responsibility for how you communicate without taking responsibility for everything between you. If the relationship does not allow space for both people, it may be time to reconsider whether it is right for you.
Would you like to talk?
Choose a free 15-minute Zoom compatibility check or a one-hour personal coaching session.
Choose a meeting with Yael